


Take My Well Worn Hand

by Adrenochrome



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-30
Updated: 2015-01-15
Packaged: 2018-02-27 12:53:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2693720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adrenochrome/pseuds/Adrenochrome
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Ironic, isn’t it? That we feel the most alive when we’re closest to death.” And Jongin’s stare became intense, occasionally he would blink in time with the beeping of the heart monitor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

On the news tomorrow, they’ll paint Kyungsoo as a bright, young and ambitious student with his whole life ahead of him. Some students that he’ll have talked to a couple of times will cry and say he was such a nice person, they might even get one of his professors to comment about it.

He could already see it now, and he was still there. Still breathing.

The car had come out of nowhere, a flashy sports car with custom painting that was clearly being driven by someone who had no cares in the world.

Kyungsoo almost felt bad for damaging such a beautiful car.

As the metal work crunched into his legs, shattering both of his lower leg bones and dislocating his knees, and as he hit the windshield with enough force for the pristine glass to shatter, he already knew his fate was sealed. 

He was going to die, be it immediately or in a few hours. 

There were glistening pieces of glass surrounding his body, mixed in with the loose pieces of asphalt and tar, like hidden stars in the deep black sky. He daren’t close his eyes for fear he’d never open them again.

He remembers the white noise, or maybe it was people screaming. He most certainly remembered the smell of rubber burning as the car sped away, leaving Kyungsoo’s broken body by the side of the road.

Lungs were screaming for air, his chest burned as he wheezed on the floor. Something was most certainly damaged inside, he could feel his breaths become shallow enough for him to be nearly hyperventilating. 

There wasn’t any pain, not now anyways. He felt numb, the sensation of pins and needles in his legs and feet.

He closed his eyes when he began to see slithers of red etch into the starry night sky which surrounded him, and someone screamed to call an ambulance.

\--

“... possible femur fractures…”

“Several lacerations to the chest… loss of blood…”

“Hook him up for a transfusion, call Radiography and tell them we need a full CT scan from head to…”

“Sir? Sir can you open your eyes for me?”

“... certainly has broken ribs, most probably punctured his right lung… drain needed…”

“... BP dropping, please bring a defibrillator in just in case…”

“ sustained… -ead injury…”

“Sir?”

“... Begin… chest….-pressions.”

\--

Hospitals, to Kyungsoo, were where the circle of life took place. 

A lot of people were born here.

A lot of people died here.

When Kyungsoo opened his eyes once more, he was greeted by dozens of bodies moving around him, he couldn’t hear properly but he thinks they were talking. His eyes could not focus, and there was something obstructing his mouth, he wanted to scream.

He could smell his own blood, it clung to him like an unwanted pest.

He didn’t like the buzzing noise that seemed to be the only thing he could hear, so he closed his eyes and drifted once more.

\--

It was so uncomfortable, there was something underneath his arm and in his chest and he felt wrong. 

Upon further inspection, it turned out to be a plastic tube, it ran over the handrail of the hospital bed and under the itchy gown, right into where the uncomfortable sensation was coming from and it made him feel sick.

Another tube had been pushed into his nose, some tape to keep it in place made his face itch.

His hands were warm, his body was warm, he hadn’t realised but instead of his body been slick with blood it was covered in a sheen layer of sweat. The oxygen mask which had been resting on his face fell away, leaving him gasping for air that he didn’t know he needed.

He felt so painfully alive.

A gentle hand reached out, one he was not familiar with. They pressed the oxygen mask into Kyungsoo’s face with enough force to indent the flesh on his cheeks, it stung, in a way. But the oxygen he was rewarded with made the slight added pain worth it.

His eyes were still struggling to focus, maybe he’d hit his head with the fall. But the stranger was there, standing beside the metal railing of the bed, as he looked down at the broken body that Kyungsoo had been left with.

“Sir?” and that voice.

An angel, surely.

He reached to move the oxygen mask away, he needed to talk, he needed to know where he was and how long he had left. But his arm was held back by a series of wires which clung to him like poison ivy vines, restricting his movement.

His angel seemed to notice what he’d tried to do, and gently lifted the mask off his face to give him enough room to speak. 

It was hard to talk, his throat was itching it was so dry and his lungs just wouldn’t fill up with the air he needed, but he managed a few words. “Am I… where…”

“You are in intensive care, sir, you were in an accident.”

So this stranger wasn’t an angel, just a human, maybe a nurse. He was alive. He was still there. The beeping of the monitor which was somewhere to his side chirped in time with the pulse that he could feel in his ears, the thudding and the beeps almost harmonizing.

Kyungsoo wanted to laugh.

“You… nurse?” He rasped once more.

The stranger shook his head, Kyungsoo blinked a few times to try refocus his eyes some more. They were a man, he could tell from the voice and the overall outline of their face. But they had such a soft expression, he was so easy to read like a book.

“No, I was there at the accident, I was the one who came in the ambulance with you. I’m Jongin.” and Kyungsoo was graced with a small smile.

Kyungsoo couldn’t smile in return, but he lifted his hand as far as it could go, his clammy skin gently touching Jongin’s. His grip was weak, but nevertheless Jongin took his hand, thumb gently stroking over Kyungsoo’s hand next to the cannula line which fed into the veins in his hand.

Jongin was cold, but he looked like he could be so warm.

“Kyungsoo.” And that was all he needed to say. His savior would understand.

A nurse came in whilst they kept their hands linked together. The middle aged woman was short and silent, she didn’t comment on Kyungsoo being awake or the fact that he was holding hands with Jongin, which he was somewhat grateful for. The oxygen mask was gone, replaced with a plastic tube which ran underneath his nose to still give him his much needed air. She set some timers near the monitors before making her way out once more.

Kyungsoo tried to take a deep breath but found it impossible, he then tried to shift his body but his left leg was actually covered with metal pieces and some surgical bandages and his right leg was bandaged up and strapped to a hard case. 

“... No dancing for… a while…” He tried to joke, anything to distract himself from the ungodly invasion in his right side. 

And to his surprise Jongin laughed, tightening his grip on Kyungsoo’s hand. “No, I don’t think you’re going to be doing much of anything for a while. You’re lucky to be alive.”

“Alive. I’m alive.” and that time Kyungsoo smiled, eyes sliding shut for just the briefest of moments.

Jongin pulled the chair he must have been sat on before Kyungsoo woke up, not once letting go of his hand. Sitting down at just the right height so Kyungsoo could still see his angelic face.

“Ironic, isn’t it? That we feel the most alive when we’re closest to death.” And Jongin’s stare became intense, occasionally he would blink in time with the beeping of the heart monitor.

“...Yeah… Can I have some… water, please? My throat is…” and Kyungsoo didn’t even get to finish his sentence before Jongin was holding out a cup.

The water was like honey but ice cold, and there wasn’t anywhere near enough in the cup to satisfy him. Jongin explained that he wasn’t allowed to drink a lot because he’d just had surgery on his left leg.

“They had to put pins in, the impact completely shattered your left tibia, fractured your left fibula, and there was a hairline fracture to your right fibula. They think you might have cracked your femur slightly but they were more concerned about the bottom half.”

“... Definitely no dancing… it hurts…”

“Where does it hurt? Do you want me to go get the nurse? I don’t know if they can give you anything else just yet but I’ll ask if you want me to.” He stood, readying himself.

“My chest… feels very tight…” And to emphasize his point he laid his free hand on it.

Jongin just gave him a sad smile. “Yeah, you broke 4 ribs, 3 on the left side, 1 on the right. The one on the right punctured your lung as well, hence the drain.” He gestured to the annoying tubing which was beginning to irritate Kyungsoo.

“They strapped you up though, they can’t really do much else for them. You’ll just have to rest for a really long time.” Jongin sat back down, shifting his chair even closer.

Kyungsoo just hummed because that was all he could manage at that point. Using his voice was hard, and it tired him out. He must have slept for so long, he didn’t even know what day it was anymore, let alone what time it might have been.

He felt his eyelids grow heavy, the weight of sleepiness causing them to slide shut. He wanted to stay awake, he was scared that when he closed his eyes this time he’d wake up and he’d be somewhere else and that the only person who was really looking after him would just be gone.

“Jongin…”

“Yeah?” 

“Please… promise me you won’t… leave. I don’t want to… be alone.” 

Jongin’s hand was now warm, and pleasant against Kyungsoo’s. Jongin tightened his grip once more, squeezing the others hand. His thumb stroked along Kyungsoo’s in a bid to comfort him slightly, or at least try.

“I’m not going anywhere.” he heard, as his eyes closed once more and the otherwise annoying blips from the monitor lulled him into a somewhat pleasant sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know what happened here, I nearly made this have a very sad ending but I couldn't bring myself to it, yeah let me know what you think? It will be proof read in the morning.


	2. And If I Recover, Will You Be My Comfort?

Kyungsoo hadn’t really intended to fall for Jongin, he just did.

It happened somewhere between the various hospital appointments and physiotherapy sessions which Kyungsoo attended regularly, Jongin had volunteered to take him to the hospital and back because understandably, Kyungsoo had developed a fear of being around cars.

When the pain wracked through his body and his medication wasn’t helping, Jongin was there. When the physiotherapy was intense and difficult, Jongin was there to hold him up. When Kyungsoo would fall or stumble when practicing walking again, Jongin would pull him back onto his feet again.

The younger boy was keeping Kyungsoo propped up even though the entire world seemed to want Kyungsoo to fall.

It came in stages; it started at Kyungsoo’s first outpatients appointment, Jongin’s hand had brushed against his thigh and he couldn’t fight the angry blush which spread across his face as the doctor talked to him about muscles and how he needed to exercise to regain the strength in his legs. 

It only intensified when Kyungsoo had his first physiotherapy appointment and it overwhelmed him to the point where he was in tears and Jongin had pulled him into a soothing hug whilst rubbing circles on the small of his back whilst using his other hand to play with the overgrown hair at the nape of his neck. 

He realised that if he didn’t deal with it soon it would become a persistent problem when Jongin reached out to hold his hand as he walked along the designated practice walkway and Kyungsoo felt his palms get sweaty and he almost fell over.

Jongin had sacrificed hours and hours of his own time just to be with Kyungsoo so that he wasn’t alone in the hospital. Kyungsoo promised he’d make it up to him somehow and Jongin had smiled and said that the only way he could make it up to him was by getting better.

“Besides, I need to teach you how to dance once you’ve mastered walking again.” Kyungsoo could feel his face heating up and his heart melting when Jongin gave him a dazzling smile.

\--

Things began to get serious when Kyungsoo was told that he only needed a few more physiotherapy sessions until he would have completed his treatment.

He was walking now, albeit sometimes with the assistance on a crutch or Jongin but it was still a lot better than what he had been 3 months ago. He’d moved back into his tiny little city apartment which was proving rather difficult seeing as though it was on the fourth floor and the block didn’t have a consistently working elevator, but he managed.

Kyungsoo could have sworn that Jongin had increased the amount of touching between the two, because last week it had gotten to the point where Kyungsoo had practically been sat on his lap as they watched some old sci-fi movie on Kyungsoo’s laptop. He didn’t know how he ended up like that but they had, and when the separated it was awkward for both of them.

Kyungsoo seemed to have a permanent blush whenever Jongin was around, and if the younger had noticed he hadn’t mentioned it yet. Sometimes Kyungsoo liked to imagine that maybe Jongin liked him back, but then his brain would think of a million reasons why he wouldn’t so he stopped doing that.

Jongin didn’t have to be around anymore, he had 3 more weeks of physiotherapy for his leg and 2 more sessions for his breathing and then he would be finished. Hell, he didn’t even have to stick around for any of it but he did for some reason. 

Letting out a sigh, Kyungsoo fell back onto the sofa, carefully resting his pinned leg on a precariously placed cushion. Jongin hadn’t been around for a couple of days so that meant he would either be coming to visit today or tomorrow and Kyungsoo didn’t know if he was emotionally prepared for it. 

He was tired, not physically but mentally. The doctors said it might have been the symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder, the nights plagued by nightmares and the short outbursts of panic which seemed to stem from nowhere. He hoped it wasn’t, he didn’t know if he could deal with being mentally handicapped as well as physically, especially not at the same time.

Somewhere between the episode of Star Trek where Captain Kirk fights the gorn and an episode of a car show, Kyungsoo fell into a light sleep. Dreams were a rare thing now, his nights were mostly accompanied by night terrors or vivid flashbacks to the day of his accident. So to sleep without even dreaming about anything was almost a blessing. 

He woke up around thirty minutes later to the sound of light knocking on his door. Somehow during his power nap his arm had fallen off the side and he’d lost sensation in it, and he’d drooled onto the cushion underneath his head. He used his functioning arm to try rub sleep from his eyes whilst stretching his back out causing him to whine as it popped.

The knocking intensified as Kyungsoo struggled to get off the sofa, he called out that he was coming but they didn’t hear because the knocking got more rapid.

Ripping the door open and scowling at whoever it was that disturbed his sleep, Kyungsoo almost growled. Jongin was stood there, brown paper bag in his arms as he smiled sheepishly at Kyungsoo before shrugging his shoulders slightly like a child about to be told off.

“I was asleep.” Kyungsoo stated, lips curling up slightly to show how annoyed he was.

Jongin looked away guiltily. “I brought food?” He tried.

Kyungsoo stood there for a moment longer before looking him up and down. Being woken up was probably second on the list of things Kyungsoo hated with a burning passion, but Jongin had brought what smelled like meat and warm cooked food, so it almost cancelled out Jongin’s mistake.

Raising an eyebrow and shuffling to the side, he held the door open. Jongin just smiled wide before practically skipping inside and making himself at home.

It wasn’t that Kyungsoo didn’t like Jongin’s visits, it was just that they made him feel so open like a book. Kyungsoo had always prided himself on being able to keep his emotions in check, but ever since the accident, and since he met Jongin, he’s found it almost impossible to keep how he felt a secret.

He was paranoid, completely and utterly paranoid that Jongin knew how Kyungsoo felt and pitied him, and that was why he was sticking around. Kyungsoo had had friends before who were like that, feeling sorry for the smaller boy to the point where they pretended to be friends. 

It was conflicting, really, because Kyungsoo had never experienced this level of adoration for anyone other than his immediate family. It was new and scary, almost like walking into unknown territory which was covered in mines and scary traps. That’s how it felt to him, anyways. 

“Kyungsoo-ah, I’m sorry for waking you up, really, I am.” Jongin said, all the while looking like a kicked puppy as Kyungsoo ambled over back to the sofa to rest again. “I know you’ve been struggling to get to sleep, and I’ll make it up to you I promise.” 

Kyungsoo wheezed slightly as he fell back into his chair, Jongin was sat on the cushion which he was using to prop up his leg so he decided to use Jongin as the cushion, resting his metal cased leg on Jongin’s lap. 

It was impossible to stay angry at Jongin for longer than thirty seconds, the young man was the master of the puppy dog eyes and Kyungsoo could never resist. It totally wasn’t because Kyungsoo wanted to kiss him until he couldn’t breathe, not at all.

“There’s no need, I needed to eat anyways. What did you bring?” He sighed, seeing Jongin’s face as he used him as a human footrest. 

Pulling out two tupperware containers and passing one to Kyungsoo, he smiled. “Beef noodles, obviously not as good as yours but I tried.” 

Kyungsoo paused. “You made this yourself?” 

Jongin nodded enthusiastically before passing a pair of chopsticks to Kyungsoo without saying a word. He thankfully didn’t mention the angry blush which spread across Kyungsoo’s cheeks when they accidentally made skin contact.

The noodles were incredible, not because of the taste but because Kyungsoo knew that Jongin had done it all himself, he could taste the effort that had been put in and it made him smile with every bite. Jongin was just grateful that Kyungsoo was eating his food without making comments on how bad it was.

After food, they both ended up watching reruns of an old drama on TV. Kyungsoo was sleepy and his leg was getting restless so he had to switch from using Jongin as a footrest to just having his leg hang down to the floor. He was sat up, using his leg as an excuse to shuffle closer to Jongin to the point where their shoulders were touching. Kyungsoo was too busy trying to distract himself from Jongin to notice the younger man biting at his nails to try stop a huge smile.

Kyungsoo felt pleasant, content even. He was full and warm and could easily slip back to sleep but he tried to keep himself awake so that he didn’t dream. To say he was lucky to not have dreamt earlier that day during his nap was an understatement, the chances of it happening twice in the same day was slim to none.

Jongin made a squeaking noise when he yawned, stretching out his legs and hearing his knee joints pop. At that point Kyungsoo was fighting to stay awake, the warm food in his belly was enough to make him sleepy. He didn’t realise what was happening until it was too late, he slipped down so that his head was resting on Jongin’s lap as he swung his legs up back onto the sofa so that he was laid out.

Kyungsoo distinctly heard a chuckle from Jongin, but he doesn’t remember much after than because warm hands were carding through his hair lulling him to sleep with the sound the TV in the background.

\--

Unfortunately, his nightmare during that stretch of sleep was a particularly bad one. The sounds of the glass smashing and his own bones breaking seemed to be the only thing he could hear over and over, he was laid out on the tarmac again but this time his eyes closed and they never opened again.

Waking up from night terrors like that always left him disorientated. He was never able to tell what was real and what was a dream and it scared him through and through. Usually he would wake in a cold sweat, only to trudge to the bathroom to shower and go make coffee, but this time he woke up to someone caressing his arm and playing with his hair.

Looking up bleary eyed, he saw Jongin. His beautiful, beautiful saviour. He gave Kyungsoo a small smile before whispering to him.

“You looked like you were having a nightmare, do you want to talk about it?” 

Jongin’s hand stopped moving when Kyungsoo placed his own hand on top. Jongin was warm and gentle and Kyungsoo was cold and shaking but the younger didn’t flinch away. 

“I-” 

Kyungsoo didn’t even realise he was crying until he felt the warm tears run down his temples onto Jongin’s lap. He couldn’t even speak because he was that freaked out, not even a warm shower could fix this one.

Jongin didn’t say anything, he just pulled Kyungsoo into a tight hug. The smaller man was on his lap sat up, head buried into the crook of Jongin’s neck as he cried silently. Warm arms were wrapped around Kyungsoo’s tiny frame, almost as if they were trying to protect him from the night terrors. 

It was one of the many things Kyungsoo liked about Jongin, he always seemed to know when he needed a hug.

Kyungsoo cried until he felt a headache forming at the front of his skull, he didn’t notice until he stopped crying but his hands had a firm grasp of Jongin’s t-shirt, balling it into his fists. Jongin rubbed soothing circles on his back as he let Kyungsoo grab onto him like a koala.

Jongin cleared his throat slightly. “I think you need to sleep again, Soo-ah.”

Kyungsoo made no effort to move, if anything he clinged on harder.

“Soo… Soo-ah.” Jongin said gently, tapping at Kyungsoo’s shoulder. When the younger still had no response he resorted to desperate measures.

Hooking one arm under his legs and one against his back, Jongin picked up the crying man bridal style. Kyungsoo’s arms shot out and wrapped around his neck to keep himself held up as Jongin slowly walked towards Kyungsoo’s bedroom.

The room was a mess, Kyungsoo hadn’t tidied it in months, clothes were strewn everywhere except for a small pathway which led towards his double bed, covers still thrown to the side from the morning. The bedside table was completely covered in empty water bottles and pill boxes, various remedies to try help with sleep as well as pain management pills. 

Laying Kyungsoo down was a difficult task, he didn’t want to let go of Jongin at all. He managed to pry Kyungsoo’s arms off his neck before going to take off Kyungsoo’s socks because he knew the elder didn’t like sleeping in a bed with them on. He was only wearing basketball shorts and a oversized t-shirt which said ‘pugs not drugs’ in faded English characters, so there was no need to change him into something this time. 

Pulling the blankets over Kyungsoo gently, Jongin was going to go back to the living room. He had a spare key in the fruitbowl specifically for if this kind of thing happened, because he wasn’t going to leave Kyungsoo alone in this state, he would at least wait until the older man had fallen asleep before leaving.

But he never go the chance because as soon as he turned to leave, Kyungsoo’s hand shot out to grab his own. 

“Jongin-ah, please… please don’t leave me tonight.” Kyungsoo’s voice came out shaky and a little bit broken but he managed to form his words.

So he turned back instantly, sitting down gently on the edge of the bed to avoid Kyungsoo’s injury. He took hold of the older man’s hands with his own and gently stroked his thumbs over the backs of Kyungsoo’s hands as a gesture of comfort. He nodded to the other as a sign of confirmation, which made Kyungsoo seem to settle.

“You can… sleep next to me, if you want, I don’t mind just- just don’t leave me.” 

“Okay. Okay.”

And that was how he’d ended up under the sheets too, sleeping on his side because Kyungsoo seemed to gravitate towards him whenever he slept, probably because he was warm. Kyungsoo’s back was flush to his chest, and he was holding onto the arm that Jongin had snuck around the smaller man’s waist. 

Jongin just wanted the other to feel safe again, because he didn’t know personally how Kyungsoo felt, but he understood that Kyungsoo was finding it difficult to adjust to life after the accident. The doctors had said it was a possibility that Kyungsoo would be mentally scarred by the accident, and that the months after would be very difficult, but Jongin didn’t know it would be so horrible to see.

The arm around Kyungsoo tightened as he felt a wave of protectiveness wash over him. The smaller man had started to doze off as soon as Jongin had pulled him close, probably because he felt a bit more secure. Sleep was beginning to pull him under as he heard Kyungsoo’s breathing even out.

Just before he dozed off completely, he heard a gentle voice murmur a “Thank you.” and slightly cooler fingers interlink with his own warm ones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any mistakes will be corrected in the morning, please tell me what you think.


	3. Now Don't Drown In Your Tears, Babe. I Will Always Be There

It was three weeks before Christmas when Kyungsoo was officially diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. 

Despite the fact that the psychologist was still talking to him, he felt like time stopped all together. Flashing thoughts of ‘what will I do now?’ and ‘Does this mean I’m officially crazy?’ flashed through his head as he desperately tried to stop himself from crying.

He’d done enough crying to last him a lifetime but he still couldn’t seem to stop himself. That was one of the reasons Jongin told him to bring it up at his most recent outpatients appointment. It could be something trivial on TV or someone on the street nudging him and he’ll just start crying uncontrollably out of the blue. On the other end it seemed like he didn’t feel anything at all, he distinctly remembers the news reporting a multiple car pile up where numerous people lost their lives and he didn’t even blink, he didn’t feel a single thing.

Jongin wasn’t there with him the time he got the diagnosis, and he almost felt lost. He didn’t want Jongin to completely ignore his schedule to be with him, but at that point he really needed someone to be there. 

When he finally zoned back into the room the psychologist was talking about other possible symptoms to look out for. Apparently re-living the experience was the most prominent symptom people with PTSD had, mostly through flashbacks, hallucinations and nightmares. When the doctor asked if he’d had any of these he just nodded to himself.

“Now we should discuss treatment. I think with a case like yours we should move forward to treat the symptoms with a combination of medication and psychotherapy.” The doctor stated, scrawling something down in his record book before pushing up his glasses.

Not more goddamn medication. Kyungsoo sighed, running a hand through his hair. It was too long and irritating him but he hadn’t been to get it cut in what felt like months because the only barber with decent prices was on the street where it all happened and he couldn’t seem to bring himself to go back.

Which was apparently another symptom.

The doctor glanced at him above his glasses when he sighed. “Don’t worry, psychotherapy isn’t as scary as it sounds. In fact it’s often used to treat phobias. I think the main form of psychotherapy we’ll be using is cognitive-behaviour therapy, which is where you will learn to recognise and change thought patterns that lead to troublesome emotions, feelings and behaviour. Hopefully you will find it very useful.” 

“Yeah, hopefully.” He deadpanned, eyes blinking furiously to try stop the tears.

“Kyungsoo, you can beat this. It will take time, but I honestly believe that you are strong enough to overcome all the obstacles that life is throwing at you, have patience.” This time his words were accompanied by a gentle pat on the shoulder.

Kyungsoo thought he’d gotten over this.

\--

It had been so quiet in the apartment when Jongin got back that he thought Kyungsoo had fallen asleep without him. It had been a few weeks since that initial night where Jongin had slept over, and he was there most nights now, he’d even got a draw of clothes in Kyungsoo’s bedroom and a toothbrush in the bathroom.

Which is why he thought it would be weird if Kyungsoo had fallen asleep without him, the smaller man found it almost impossible to sleep without Jongin next to him. Apparently Jongin was now Kyungsoo’s living comfort blanket, which he didn’t actually mind because it meant he got to spend more time with him.

He was sweaty and in his practice clothes, and he was almost certain that he smelled bad, but he still wandered around the apartment to try find Kyungsoo. It took him a full two minutes until he finally spotted him on the kitchen floor with a tub of pistachio ice cream next to him. 

Jongin stood there and Kyungsoo didn’t even look him, just continued staring dead ahead to stare at the front of the refrigerator he was facing. Jongin had noticed that some of Kyungsoo’s behaviour was a bit weird, but he never mentioned it until now, he just rolled with it in the hope it would be a one off thing.

Bag abandoned on the floor, Jongin slid down to sit next to him, sweat soaked t-shirt clinging to the cupboard of the island counter. He remained completely silent because he knew that Kyungsoo would talk when he was ready.

“You should probably leave, you don’t want to catch the crazy.” He mumbled, voice cracking in a way which highlighted the fact he’d been crying for a good two hours that afternoon. 

“What are you talking about, Soo-ah?” 

“Didn’t you hear me?” He barked out a hollow laugh. “I’m crazy. I’ve literally been diagnosed crazy.” 

Jongin was about to ask again but then he remembered the psychologist appointment. He was of course, going to wait in the waiting room for him like he did with all his other appointments, but his practice group downright demanded that he be there at that specific time. He didn’t even know how he’d forgotten about it up until now, he’d felt so guilty for having to leave him when it was clearly an important appointment, it must have slipped his mind during rehearsals. 

Tears were making their way down Kyungsoo’s face again, and his eyes were red. He cried almost silently now, the only thing Jongin could hear was Kyungsoo attempting to keep his breathing steady but instead he was shaking. 

“Soo-ah…” He raised his hand to touch Kyungsoo’s shoulder, but he paused.

Kyungsoo tightened his grip on the sweater pants he was wearing, nails digging in hard enough that they could probably break through skin. “Who is going to want this? Who is going to love me now? They should just lock me up with all the other crazies, I mean that’s where I belong now, right?” 

Jongin was about to speak when he was cut off. “And don’t say you will, we both know you only stay around because you feel sorry for me, and because I have no friends. You should probably join the line because-”

“You’re wrong.” Jongin said, soft enough that it stopped Kyungsoo in his tracks completely.

Kyungsoo stared at him with tear filled eyes, and he couldn’t help but feel a wave of affection. Jongin was smiling at him, a small smile which didn’t have any hidden sympathy like all the other ones Kyungsoo had seen that morning. It was a smile that spoke volumes about the type of person Jongin really was.

Jongin cleared his throat. “I- I don’t know how to put this without sounding dumb so just let me speak okay?” 

Kyungsoo nodded whilst wiping away a couple of stray tears. Jongin moved to sit in front of him, gently moving his hands away from his lap which he was still grabbing at. Jongin was still so warm it amazed him.

“I… I love you.” 

Kyungsoo’s owl eyes seem to get even bigger at the words. His heart stopped and he felt a rush of adrenaline suddenly wake him up. He looked Jongin in the eyes and he didn’t see any hint of pity, he couldn’t understand why he hadn’t noticed before. 

“I know it sounds so cliche but, the moment I first saw you smile, I felt like I had seen one of the wonders of the world. That day in the hospital, you looked so broken, so… helpless. I promised myself that day that I would never let you feel like that again, I promised myself I would be there for you whenever you needed me.”

Jongin glanced down at their hands, smirking. “I love everything about you. I love your eyes, your lips, your smile. I love the way you look when you sleep, I love hearing you sing when you’re in the shower, I love the way you look when you look at the stars out of the window at night. I love how happy you get when you see fireworks. I love how you love indie music but hate rap. I love the way you get carried away talking about your favourite books, even when I don’t know which ones you’re talking about. I just… love you. For who you are.”

“So who cares if you are crazy? I don’t. You’re still the same Do Kyungsoo I fell in love with all those months ago. Loving you means I love the whole package, scars and all. So don’t say I’m only here because I feel sorry for you, because I don’t. I’m here because I made those promises to myself and I want to watch you grow stronger. So if it takes months, years, decades, I don’t care. I will always be there.” 

“You probably don’t feel the same, and I’ll respect that. But I’d move mountains for you, Soo-ah. You have slowly become my world and I would do anything just to see you smile like the whole world is beautiful. And I am so sorry that I wasn’t there today, because I know you would have needed a hug and someone to reassure you, and I promise you it won’t happen again.”

Suddenly, Kyungsoo didn’t care about anything. He didn’t care that he still limped, or about how he still struggled walking long distances because of his breathing. He didn’t care that his leg was completely covered with a myriad of white and pink scars, or that his head was messed up. Because in that moment it was just him and Jongin.

And it felt so good.

Their hands were still interlinked, and he could now feel Jongin shaking. At some point during it all he’d even started crying himself, and Kyungsoo had never seen Jongin cry, not even when they watched Bridge To Terabithia with subtitles. He never wanted to see Jongin cry again.

“Oh, Jongin. You beautiful, beautiful idiot.” And instantly his lips were on Jongin’s, hands working into the younger man’s sweaty hair. He didn’t care at all, he just wanted Jongin to know how he felt once and for all.

Jongin returned the kiss after the initial shock, hands going to Kyungsoo’s back to steady him because the smaller man was leaning over him. Kyungsoo’s lips were even softer than he imagined, if that was possible. It wasn’t a passionate kiss in the sense that they were both full of lust and want, but full of affection and utter devotion. 

After a whole minute Kyungsoo pulled away, resting his forehead against Jongin’s sweat slicked one. He was breathing heavily from lack of oxygen and his cheeks were a furious shade of pink. Collapsing into Jongin’s lap, he sighed, hands still wound around Jongin’s neck as he played with the longer pieces of his damp hair. 

After what felt like an eternity, Kyungsoo found his voice. “I don’t know when it was that I first started feeling this way towards you, but it hit me hard. After everything I’d been through you were still there, still here, even. You didn’t care that I was broken, you knew when I needed comforting and you made me laugh. You slowly became everything to me, and I was so scared, I was so fucking scared that you were only here because you pitied me. I can’t believe I was so wrong.” 

Jongin’s hands came up to wipe away a couple of tears which had spilled over, and Kyungsoo could feel himself leaning into the touch. 

“I have never felt this way about anyone before, ever. I want to be with you all the time, I want to wake up in your arms every day and kiss you. Oh god I’ve wanted to kiss you for so long now I’m surprised I actually managed to restrain myself until now.” Jongin laughed at that. “I want to hear that laugh every day because it makes me feel so warm inside, you know?”

“I felt like whenever you were around my heart hurt because I couldn’t show you how much you meant to me, it physically hurt. But now… I feel… I feel like I finally have some clarity in my life. I’ve never been sure about a lot of things in life but I am one hundred percent sure that I am completely and hopelessly in love with you.”

Jongin laughed again and pulled Kyungsoo into a hug, one he never wanted to leave. Kyungsoo was of course crying again but it wasn’t because he was sad but because he was happy, ridiculously happy. 

“I can’t believe we were so goddamn blind all this time.” Jongin stuttered out as he laughed even more. 

“I can’t believe I’m letting you hug me when you’re covered in sweat.” Kyungsoo joked, feeling Jongin squeeze him even tighter.

“I’m not letting you go this time, sorry.” 

“Good, I don’t want you to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An extremely fluffy epilogue will be posted soon, thank you for reading. Any mistakes will be corrected in the morning.


	4. You Fused My Broken Bones Together

There was something calming about waking up on a Monday and knowing that you didn’t have anything to do, and Kyungsoo was thankful for it. The sun had just started to peek over the horizon when he stirred, feeling the warm body next to him steadily breathing. He needed to stretch out his achy muscles but he didn’t want to disturb Jongin, the taller man has been at dance practice all day yesterday and was exhausted when he finally got home, so he needed all the sleep he could get. Especially when he had to do it all again today.

 

Sleep did not return to him, because he could hear the clock ticking loudly and the tap from the kitchen dripping onto dirty plates, but he didn’t mind. Yesterday had been the one year anniversary of the accident, and what Jongin and Kyungsoo liked to call their one year anniversary, because they didn’t really want to dwell on the bad things that happened on that day, but the good things that came out of it.

 

Whilst Jongin was at practice, Kyungsoo had been in the kitchen preparing a painstakingly complex meal for them both to enjoy. Cooking had quickly become his favourite thing to do, especially now that he didn’t have to attend college lectures everyday because he’d had to drop out. He’d managed to take some culinary classes to refine his skills, and he was now in the process of applying for a job as a chef at the family run restaurant close to his house. 

 

When Jongin had returned, he kissed Kyungsoo like he hadn’t seen him in days. The smaller man was literally swept off his feet when Jongin wrapped his arms around Kyungsoo’s waist and lifted him off the floor, he’d squeaked in protest but that didn’t stop Jongin spinning around whilst carrying him. 

 

The dinner date was, quite frankly, comfortable. Jongin talked about how his dance teacher has proposed that Jongin began teaching younger students at the dance school, for very reasonable pay. Kyungsoo could tell that the younger man was practically bursting with happiness at the prospect of being able to do something he loved every day. The happiness was mirrored on Kyungsoo’s face too.

 

After food, they’d curled up on the sofa to watch TV together, Kyungsoo wasn’t really paying much attention to what they were watching, as he was drifting in and out of sleep. Nothing much had really changed in the routine that they shared, they still did the same things, watched the same things and shared the same interests as before, but now they’d got the label. The boyfriend label. Just thinking about it made his chest feel warm. 

 

When Kyungsoo finally fell into a comfortable sleep, he was woken by a kiss. Not a night terror or a panic attack, but a soft kiss. “What do you want to watch next?”

 

He groaned. “I wasn’t really watching anything, I was taking a little nap.” 

 

Jongin pouted. “Sorry ‘bout that, I just couldn’t resist kissing you.” 

 

Kyungsoo smiled and hid his face in Jongin’s sweater. “Shhhh.”

 

“I think I need another one.” Jongin smiled, tickling Kyungsoo to make him move. Of course, he obliged.

 

Kissing Jongin was like standing out in the sun on a breezy, summer day. Warm and comfortable, with just the right amount of heat. He could easily kiss Jongin for hours, because it seemed like time nearly stopped when they were together. 

 

Jongin’s fingers began threading through Kyungsoo’s freshly cut hair, pulling at odd strands whilst his other hand rested on the small of Kyungsoo’s back. Kyungsoo did what he usually did, and threw his arms around Jongin’s shoulders keeping them locked together in a comfortable embrace. 

 

After a while they stopped and resumed watching their TV show, in a comfortable silence. Though Jongin had taken to playing with Kyungsoo’s hair like a cat, he didn’t mind though, in fact he kind of enjoyed it.

 

The show they were watching was about an animal rescue, and Kyungsoo knew that Jongin had put it on intentionally. He’d been hinting for the longest time that they should adopt a pet, so that they could have a proper little family together. 

 

Kyungsoo did like cats, they were extremely soothing, especially when they purred. Growing up he’d found it useful to talk to their neighbours cat, because it was almost like the cat would actually listen to his problems and ramblings willingly. Plus it would be nice to have something that he and Jongin shared…

 

“I think we should adopt a cat.”

 

Of course, that got an extremely good reaction from Jongin. They spent the rest of the evening searching up cat facts and tips, Jongin even ordered a book off amazon and emailed three local pet shelters about coming in to view the cats, Kyungsoo laughed because he’d honestly never felt so happy in himself than right then, in that moment.

 

To say that Kyungsoo was content was an understatement, after what had been the most harrowing experiences of his life, which caused an endless list of problems and challenges, he finally felt a positive shift in his direction. Of course the war with his mental illnesses was still ongoing, but he felt like he was winning more battles than he was losing. 

 

He didn’t really see the positive change in himself until after he’d finally cut his hair at a barber's shop. Jongin was a sweetheart, but he was no hairdresser, and the cut’s that he’d done were okay but they weren’t fantastic. He’d spent nearly a whole year being so afraid of the street where he’d been hit that he’d not been back since. Yesterday he’d finally managed to, calmly and safely go to his barbers, without feeling that horrible, dark, sense of danger in his stomach. That was a win, a major win.

 

To wake up in the morning to a kiss or a hug instead of the sound of yourself screaming was a win. To finally feel confident enough to go swimming again even with his scarred legs was a win. To be able to tell himself “you’re okay” and truly mean it was a big win.

 

Bedtime had come early that night as Jongin had to be awake early in the morning. His old, messy bedroom was now their clean, redecorated bedroom, which was warm and inviting. Even when he slept alone he felt safe in this room. 

 

Every night they fell asleep in the same position, Kyungsoo as the smaller spoon, being embraced by Jongin, one hand on Kyungsoo’s hip and his other arm being used as his pillow. They fit together perfectly, like jigsaw pieces, sleeping peacefully and comfortably until dawn breaks the next day.

 

To wake up content, is another major win.

 

 

Edited 17/09/17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there we have it, finished! Please tell me what you thought. The whole fic will be edited at some point soon. Thank you for reading!


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